A father/son conversation

This actual conversation had me laughing all day. Andreas and Oskar were in the bathroom together:

Andreas: I've got to teach you something about shaving, little buddy.

Me: Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? Oskar is only 4 months old; he can't even grow a beard yet.

Andreas: (to me) I was getting to that. (to Oskar) Step one: grow a beard.

Oskar: (smiles)

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Wonder Toddler Thursday -- Tied

Wonder Toddler Powers, activate! Form of...Daddy ready for work.

The other day Eme took a ribbon and tucked it into her shirt, then told me she was like Daddy when he goes to work. Yes, she made her own tie.

She came up with it all by herself. I merely took the picture.

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We did NOT do it on purpose

Today I realized that Andreas and I must be really great actors because we have both an "Emmy"...



and an "Oscar."



I swear we didn't name them that way on purpose.

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Wonder Baby/Toddler Wednesday -- Welcome home!

Wonder Toddler Powers, activate! Form of...a Big Sister!

Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of...wait, I'm barely home from the hospital. Can't I just lay here a little bit before having to save the world?

Wow, nothing like having a new baby to make me drop blogging like a hot potato. In any case, here is a pic of the new addition -- Oskar -- with Daddy and big sister.

Eme's comment upon seeing the pic was to say "it's an Oskar sandwich!" So true.

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Wonder Baby Wednesday #36

Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of...Daddy's little helper.

"Mommy, I haf do some wurt."
"Ok, why don't you go sit by Daddy and you can work on his phone while he works on his computer?"
(yes, she does know how to use the iPhone with very little help.)

My favorite part is that they each needed a drink to keep from getting parched because they're working so hard -- guess whose drink is in the little yellow chick with a straw...

She's getting so big!

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Wonder Baby Wednesday #30

Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of...cutest medieval baby ever!

This is Eme at the Medieval "festival" we attended last week. Notice the authentic linen dress (crafted by Andreas, no less!), and not so authentic Camelback water bottle and Igloo cooler. Life is all about juxtaposition.

If you haven't seen them already, ask us to show you the videos where we almost got run over at the Field Battle!

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Redefined

[Wouldn't it be cool if, just once in a while, I actually posted something other than a picture? Well, here you go. I've been meaning to post on this topic for a while, so it's both of our lucky day; I get to post it, you get to read it. :)]

It's amazing how I've learned to redefine things now that my life has changed so much. A few examples:

A good day:

• Used to mean I got out of work early, or got to spend a whole day doing fun stuff that couples do with Andreas, or got a bunch of tasks done that I'd been meaning to do.
• Now it means that Eme took her nap (so that I got to do some work, or could spend time with Andreas, or get a few tasks done that I meant to do).

A clean house:

• Used to mean that I'd cleaned top to bottom, vacuuming every room and swiffering the linoleum, got the laundry and dishes done, counters cleaned, paraphernalia put away.
• Now it means there aren't toys EVERYWHERE, and the counter is relatively clean-ish.

Sleeping in:

• Used to mean cuddling in bed with Andreas until 9 or 10 in the morning on Saturday, usually followed by a leisurely breakfast.
• Now it means Eme doesn't wake me until 7:30, instead of at 7.

Watching a movie:

• Used to mean Andreas and I would sit down for the full length of a film we, as adults, wanted to see.
• Now it means watching any of a number of Disney films that I've now seen multiple times each (skipping over any "scary" parts as defined by Eme), or watching part of a movie with Andreas after we put Eme to bed (only part because we're often too tired to finish in one sitting)

The list could go on, but the important thing is this: it is our capacity to redefine ourselves that allows us to grow and change, and it is through change that we experience more of the world than we ever knew existed. It is through change that we remain alive, and avoid becoming stagnant.

Therefore, while all of these redefinitions may sound like complaints, the truth is that they're my life and I love my life. With that in mind, I offer one final redefinition:

Love:

• Used to mean the way I feel about my family, and the special bond I share with Andreas.
• Now it means all of those things, plus the way my heart fills when I see/think about/teach something new to/learn something new from Eme.

Thank goodness for the change that brought me, along with everything else that I've redefined, this amazing connection, which I wouldn't trade for anything.

Not even for Saturday mornings.

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The differences between men and women.

Eme has really begun to enjoy Eloise -- you may remember the books from your childhood, or you may even have seen the (very cute) movies produced back in 2003 with Julie Andrews as the nanny. We got the movies from the library, and Eme likes to ask me to tell the story, or will sometimes do something Eloise does (like stand on her toes).

The other day I found myself searching Amazon to see if I could get the movies (they're not really widely available right now since they're from 2003 and you can only check them out of the library so many times before you start to seem strange). I found and ordered them, and ordered an Eloise book that I thought Eme and I could read together as well.

A little bit later, Andreas was talking about a present he wanted to get for Eme. Could it be that he had also noticed how much she liked Elosie and wouldn't it be funny if we were searching for the same thing?

Nope. Not so much.

He wanted to get her a couple of sticks like the one Mulan has (points for trying to get her something from a character she likes) so she can fight me like Mulan does.

That may not be the only difference between men and women, but it's certainly an eye-opening one. :)

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Wonder Baby Wednesday #22

Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of...Lady! (Andreas is the Tramp)

Can you guess what movie we got from the library this week?

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Wonder Baby Wednesday #19 (oops! Thursday again.)

I promised Aunt Gillie a WBW, so here it is, even if it is a Thursday. Again.


Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of...Cinderella!

She didn't even have any mice or birds to help her create a pink dress out of castoffs -- just daddy's old pink polo shirt and a dream of being the most beautiful girl at the ball.

Now she's off to meet a prince. Lucky she doesn't have any stepsisters to tear up the dress!

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Update: Mr. Mewhansson

As an update to my post on coloring Hello Kitty, this is Mr. Mewhansson.

After I colored Hello Kitty's teacher's shirt pink and his tie pink and green, I added the goatee. I was already chuckling in my head at the resemblance to what Andreas wears to teach (that's why I colored the shirt pink in the first place), and then I practically burst with laughter when I came up with the name. I was laughing so hard that I failed to fit the whole name on the page.

I have to keep myself amused somehow.

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Super Powers

As you know, Eme has super powers.

I wouldn't want to reveal all of them (so there will still be surprises if an evildoer should happen to read this and then go up against her), but here is a short list of some of my favorites:

1) Multiple Forms: She has the ability to make herself look like many different, usually hilarious, things. (See Wonder Baby Wednesday posts for some examples.) She can cause laughter, confusion, or an evil-doer to stop in his tracks with one raise of the eyebrow.

2) Heart Melting: Really, I've seen it happen. We'll be walking around, minding our business in the grocery store/restaurant/neighborhood/etc when someone walks past looking grim. One look at Eme and they break into smiles. You can practically see their hearts melting. And don't get me started on the first time she said "DaDa" to Andreas and really meant it; it was like that scene from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (the cartoon version) when his heart grows a bunch of sizes and bursts through the frame. If she were to come upon an evil castle, I think she could turn the inhabitants to good with this power alone.

3) Laser Vision: She can spot a bus or a dog from all the way down the block. Sometimes she can tell us the school bus is coming even when it's around the corner. Either her vision (and hearing) are fantastic, or she is summoning the bus. We'll have to see how this one develops before I can be sure of all of the applications.

4) Animal Sounds: She makes excellent animal sounds, currently including a meow, bark, neigh, pant ("tired dog"), elephant trumpet, and sometimes an owl sound. I imagine more sounds will be forthcoming soon. This could be useful when she needs to imitate an animal to cause a diversion or alert someone to the presence of a bad guy.

5) Blinding Cuteness: Self-explanatory. I mean, how many times do you find yourself rubbing your eyes after looking directly at her face? The use of this one should also be obvious, and when combined with the ability to melt hearts, almost unstoppable.

6) Cat Herding: She can get cats to run in the opposite direction when she comes close, so if she gets onto the correct side before she starts to run at them, she can get them to go the way she wants. She usually ends up herding them down the basement. If she can perfect this (maybe in combination with the sonic scream), I feel like cat herding could be of great use when fighting evil, assuming the cats choose to show up to the fight (that is, as long as it's not during their sleep time).

7) Extreme Empathy: She feels sad when someone else is sad. This happens to the extent that she sometimes begins to cry herself, or at least looks concerned and tries to determine the cause. When cousin Viktor was visiting, he bumped his head the first day here. After that, every time he started to cry she'd point to her head, wondering whether he'd bumped it again. Could this one be used to bend evil warlords to her will when they realize that she really DOES care that their parents didn't understand them?

8) Sonic Scream: This amazing sound emanates from deep within, and she uses it to attempt to stun animals, other children, toys, dada, machinery, or anything that is moving that she would like to get a closer look at, or is in any way excited about. For now, the scream sometimes causes people/animals to scatter rather than to freeze in place, but she's working on it. A lot.

How have you been applying your super powers lately?

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Wonder Baby Wednesday #4 (I wonder when I'll find time to post again?)

Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of.......a firefighter!

We're putting out "fires" everywhere! Mostly they involve crayon eating, but they're fires nonetheless.

On the day of this picture, we were touching trucks at the library.

Mommy goes to the prom

I'm going to be 30 in a few weeks. That means a lot of different things. Some people feel old at 30, or like you've reached the "real" barrier to adulthood.

As you may have guessed by the title of this post, I went to Prom on Friday night. 30 wasn't making me feel old before, but I did at the prom.

The biggest thing that made me feel old? Some of those dresses were WAY too short. All of a sudden I was seeing things as a parent and I thought "did their mothers see them in those dresses?!"

I'll post them if I can get a hold of some of the pics (surprisingly, we didn't even bring a camera, but lots of other people from whom we can probably get some did, including both of our moms taking pics of us before we left -- yes, just like old times -- and the teacher in charge of yearbook took plenty during the evening).

A few other things that made me feel old:

• All of those kids (yes, I called them kids) looked like they were playing dress-up.
• But they still looked better than me in many ways. (ways that Andreas is too good of a husband to ever point out, but which I noticed anyway)
  
• Plus, I thought about what it was like at my prom and remembered taking it very seriously. Prom is such a big deal to high school students, but for me it was one night in a string of nights where I've gotten to get dressed up and be with Andreas. (Granted, this was the first big night out we've had since before the baby, but still a drop in the bucket compared to how the teens must have been feeling that night.

I've been to prom three times as an attendee, and now once as a chaperone. The first time is hardly worth mentioning (I was a sophomore, and split up with my then-boyfriend not long after prom). The next two times were with Andreas (yes, he and I were High School sweethearts), and chaperone duty was because he is a HS teacher, so I've now been to prom with him three times.

First prom with Andreas:

• Spent a lot of time worrying about the dress.
  
• Wondered whether he'd have a good time (we'd only been together for a few months).
• Worried about every detail including dinner (at Amy's house -- her mom's a great cook!), makeup (went to get it done at a Clinique booth at the mall), hair (sisters helped me get it right), pictures (ordered a bunch to share), dancing (how much to dance? would he want to dance with me at the slow songs?), etc, etc, etc.
  
• Had a great time.

Second prom with Andreas:

• Spent less time worrying about my dress and more about Gillianne's (it was her prom that year, too).
  
• Spent less time worrying about my dinner and more about Gillianne's date's (he chipped a tooth).
  
• Worried exactly the same about makeup and hair (I've never been great with those things).
  
• Danced about the same amount as last time, and ended up getting a hilarious video of us dancing with each other and singing to "Brown-Eyed Girl" onto the senior video.
  
• Had a great time.

Third prom with Andreas, this past Friday:

• Worried a little about my dress (how formal are chaperones supposed to be?).
  
• Worried a little about my hair (mom and I went to get our hair done; too much?).
  
• Worried a little about my makeup (I just chose not to wear much at all).
  
• Didn't have to worry about dinner -- Andreas' school provides dinner at prom, and it was very good.
• The most worrying I did was about whether Eme would go to sleep for Grandpa Guy. (Thanks for taking care of her, Dad!)
  
• Didn't dance at all (don't want to come off as inappropriate when you're a chaperone, and plus it was threatening to turn into a mosh pit), but got to watch the dancing from up on the balcony and it was amazing to see the crush of high school bodies gyrating with abandon from that angle; did we look like that at our prom?
  
• Had a great time.

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Things you never thought you'd say

Have you ever heard something come out of your mouth and realized you were turning into your mother or father? Yes, this happens to all of us at some point, and not surprisingly seems to happen even more often once we have children of our own.

That's one group of things I told myself I'd never say. There's another group, though, of things that are totally ridiculous. Things that you know as you say them are going to be ridiculous, but need to be said anyway.

Time for Part 2 in the series of "Things I Never Thought I'd..."

This time, it's a list of things I didn't know I'd say once I became a mommy:

• Anything that sounds like something my parents said to us (e.g. "we're not paying to heat the outside," and "if you're not in the room, you should turn out the lights." Both of those were to Andreas; imagine what I'll find myself saying once Eme is old enough to understand?)
• One that I've been using a lot recently: "Books are for reading, not for eating." (I actually have to tell Eme that lots of things aren't for eating -- shoes, toys, cell phones, pets -- but I say the books one often because it rhymes, so I, being especially nerdy, especially like that phrase.)
• Anything that I say that is grammatically incorrect (see my post on The Most Beautifulest, Stink-pantsiest Sleepsing Bee Ever for more on the topic of Mommy grammar); for an example that's not in my grammar post, I've recently been saying "make" sometimes in place of "take" (as in "let's make a little nap"). I hear it come out of my mouth and I think "wow...what am I saying?"
  
• As if I don't already know the answer, I often find myself asking to the room at large (which usually means just me, Eme, sometimes Grandpa Guy, and the cats) "who filled their diaper?" (The answer is always Eme, in case you were wondering.)
• I make more animal sounds than one would think would be necessary in any household that's not literally a zoo. I can do a pretty good cat and dog, but I'm also branching out into horse, goat, sheep, pig, lion, duck, goose, frog, bee, rooster, chick, and any other animal that comes up in any of her books. I'm getting really good at monkey (see my post on things you never thought you'd do for more on monkey/chimp sounds....).
• I sometimes call myself "mommy" even in my head. That is, when I can't possibly be talking to anyone else but myself, I still sometimes refer to me as "mommy."
• I often narrate things that are happening as they happen in order that Eme can learn what is going on. Sometimes I even sing (often to the Winnie the Pooh tune) things that are happening. It's funny when Eme is in the room, generally embarrassing when she's not.
  

I'm sure I will think of more. How about you? What is something you have found yourself saying that you thought "man, I sound like my parents!" or "I can't believe I just said that..."?

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Things you never thought you'd do

I find myself talking more about bodily functions now that I have a baby than I ever did before.

No surprise, given that whether, when, and what quality of evacuations my baby makes are the best indicator of her health. So from birth on, all doctors, nurses, and grandmothers who talk to you about how your baby is doing are interested in her diapers.

The other day some friends (who do not have a baby themselves) were over. I saw Eme make the face (you know, the red, teeth-clenched, "I just made a surprise for you" face). Without considering my audience, I lifted her so that her bottom was at my nose height and had a good sniff.

To the credit of my friends (they could have gasped in horror), their response was, "you know you're a parent when you don't think twice about smelling your baby to see if there's something in her diaper."

That is merely the first in a long line of things I never pictured myself doing. (I have another whole blog post planned on things I never thought I'd say.) Here are a few more -- many of you will have seen me do these things, but I hope the list will entertain you anyway.

Things I didn't know I'd start to do once I became a mommy:

• Smell my baby's bottom, even in public, and enjoy it (not the stinkiness so much as the smell of a baby)
• Run to the window at the sound of a truck or bus (holding Eme, of course; I wouldn't want her to miss seeing a good truck)
• Put food in my mouth before putting it in my baby's (to bite it in half, suck off too much sauce, or just make sure it's not too hot for her tongue)
• Eat leftover food that she has mashed and mangled because I feel bad wasting food (my guilty secret is that sometimes I throw it away anyway when she's really squished everything together and I just can't imagine putting it in my mouth)
• Clean off my baby's hands by sucking on them (that scene in Baby Mama where Maura Tierney's character asks her son whether the brown spot on his arm is poop or chocolate, and then licks it off of his arm and says "it's chocolate" -- that's what I mean. Tina Fey responds with "What if it had been poop?!" -- so true, but the point was that it doesn't matter, as a mommy I'd probably check anyway.)
• Dance around my living room with abandon every morning (Eme does it, and her enthusiasm is contagious)
• Spend hours thinking about the perfect outfit....for Eme. Even though she's too young to remember what she wore for her first dinner with her friend, who is also too young to pay attention to what she's wearing.
• Go out of my house with a tiny handprint made from blueberry yogurt on my shirt and cottage cheese in my hair.
• Run up and down the street to make Eme laugh (she thinks running is funny)
• Pretend to sneeze 10 times in a row to make Eme laugh (sneezes are also funny to her)
• Jump around and make chimp noises to make Eme laugh (thanks, Dr. Hamrick!)
  
• This last one is something I saw Andreas do (Happy Birthday, Andreas) that I can't imagine he ever thought of doing: trying to get her to lay still for a diaper change, he took her clean diaper and put it on his head to get her to laugh. (She laughs at the craziest stuff....)

When I find myself doing these things, I think that being a parent is part surreal, part too real, part frustrating, and part fantastic.

What have you done that you never thought you'd do as a parent? Or what can you remember your parents doing? Please share...

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Why I'm Suddenly Afraid of an Apocalypse, Among Other Things

What am I doing up at 5 in the morning on a Saturday?

There are a lot of funny things I could say about being a parent, but the truth is that I couldn't get back to sleep because of worrying.

It's like there's a magical screen that blocks your view of all of the terrible things that could happen, and when you become a parent that screen is lifted away so that you can proceed to worry about all of the terrible things in the world and how they'll affect your baby. Some of them are real and some ridiculous, but you worry about all of them.

Yes, the constant fear can be draining (especially in the first few months; after a while you get used to it) but it's probably an evolutionary thing. Or it might be because I read too much and take things too seriously.

Some of the things I have worried/worry about:
1) For the first year of life I was in constant fear that Eme would stop breathing while she slept.
2) I'm always worried that something is going to fall on her head, but now that she's old enough to be the one pulling things down on her head I'm also worried that she's going to break things
3) The first few times I took her out in the stroller (when she was just a tiny little frail thing), I was afraid that a random car would jump the curb and hit us, and I even worked out a plan (it involved me pushing her stroller out of the way and taking the full force of the car myself) for if I ever saw that particular disaster coming
4) I worry about what we feed her -- I don't want to feed her anything unhealthy, and that's no easy task because everyone and their mother has a theory on what is healthy or not
5) I'm afraid that by the time she grows up the combination of disease and financial collapse will have caused an apocalypse and that she is not going to be able to live in comfort but will instead have to survive in a Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome-type world. (I don't think about this one a lot, but it has crossed my mind.)
6) I worry that kids are going to pinch her at the library (but as you know, my fears on this one come from a strong foundation)
7) I'm pretty sure she's going to turn out to be bossy (she's already reminding me of Lucy from Peanuts, and she can't even talk yet)
8) I think more about money now than I ever did before -- how will we pay for her braces, trips abroad, college?
9) I don't think I was ever really afraid of dying before (not that I thought much about it, but just that if I did, I've lived a good life and have people who would care that I was gone), but now I am constantly afraid that something will happen to Andreas and I and Eme will be an orphan. I know there are plenty of people who would take care of her, but who knows what kinds of junk they'd feed her?
10) I worry that coyotes, which have never bothered me before, will all of a sudden decide to show up at my house and make off with my baby, or a tiger from the zoo will break free and Eme will be snatched up in the resulting melee
11) Now I'm starting to worry that if I don't stop writing soon it's going to cause me to think up more things to be afraid of

I rationally know that, from an evolutionary standpoint, a healthy dose of fear keeps us alive. From the standpoint of someone who has just been given the best thing they've ever had, I can't keep myself from waiting for the rug to be pulled out.

Life is now that much more vivid. The fear I feel is stronger than ever because I have more to lose. But the joy I feel is also stronger because there is more to live for and be thankful for.

It's a tricky load to carry as a parent, the fear and the joy, and the constant hoping. One that I didn't understand or appreciate until becoming a parent. One that I never realized my parents were probably going through as my siblings and I grew up (thanks, mom and dad). One that I'm looking forward to learning to balance as Eme and Andreas and I grow as a family.

...

The Boy at the Library

The two little red marks stayed bright on Eme's right cheek until late into the evening. I think we'd put her to bed before they went away. I don't know if she remembers it -- she doesn't behave as if she does (although, who knows what she'll do if she ever sees that boy again) -- but I can't stop thinking about it.

Eme's first "real" trip to the library (she'd been there in her stroller with us before, but it was to check out books and videos for us, not to play in the children's room; we were all very excited) was about a week after she turned one year old.

As you know, I am at home with Eme during the day most days. Even when I go somewhere for work I'm only gone for a few hours, and she has Grandpa Guy with her then. Given that she doesn't go to daycare, she doesn't meet with many other children. I had been thinking for a while that I wanted her to start getting some social interaction.

Thus, Emelie's debut in the children's room at the library.

There were a few other children there -- one baby, about 8 months old, his mommy sitting right next to him. Two boys, one about 3, the other about a year and a half, brothers. Their mommy sitting on a sofa a little ways away chatting with another mommy. One little girl, maybe 2, who belonged to the other mommy.

Eme went right up to the older boy, who was standing at the model train, and the boy handed over an engine. I said "say 'Thank You'" (reflexively; I'm trying to teach her to say thank you, but she doesn't say much at all yet, and even less when she was just a year old).

She tried to grab the other train engine from his other hand. I said "we don't take toys that someone else is playing with." (I've also been saying a lot of "we don't" sentences to help her learn appropriate behavior: "we don't hit the cats with drum sticks. Pet them gently. Geeeently. Good girl.")

The boy gave her the train anyway. The look in his eye said he was smitten with my tiny, beautiful little daughter. The mother saw this and said "that's my nice son; look out for the other one."

I didn't know what she meant, but I figured, I'm right here and grandpa is on her other side. What could happen?

Turns out the 20-month-old thought Eme was a doll. Not the way I think she's a doll, but the kind to play with. We went to the playhouse. He toddled right up to her and before I knew what was happening he had her cheek between his pudgy fingers and was pinching.

Eme's eyes opened wide with shock, maybe a little fear, and definitely pain. She let out a loud cry followed by a series of gasping sobs that broke my heart. This cry said both "How could that boy be so mean?" and "Mommy, why did you let this happen?"

Of course, as soon as I saw him reach out I was reaching for him, but it all seemed to happen in slow motion. Or maybe too quickly to comprehend.

I grabbed his little hand away. I said to the boy who wasn't mine, "No. We don't pinch people." And I had Eme up into my arms to comfort her. His mother, 10 feet away, glanced over, then went back to her conversation.

Fear. Would this scar Eme emotionally? Probably not, given that lots of kids get bitten and pinched by other kids all of the time at daycare and still turn out to be reasonable people. (See my post on Horses and Sealions, and Heartache and Love for more on this subject.)

Outrage. Where the hell was that mother? Why wasn't she looking after her own child?
Someone really needed to teach him some manners.

Frustration. Was it really my place to discipline someone else's child? I wouldn't want someone else to discipline mine.

Understanding. He probably wasn't old enough to know what he was doing. Or if he was, me yelling at him wouldn't help the situation anyway. The best I could do was what I did -- say no firmly and tell him why -- wasn't it?

Disappointment. But if it wasn't my place, then why wasn't the responsible party taking charge? As Eme starts socializing will I be doomed to one irresponsible parent after another raising children who don't know not to hurt my tiny, defenseless angel?

Caution. Is this what it will be like for me if I have a second child? Will I become less watchful, and take more breaks than I do with the first? Will I rely on the first to pass manners down to the second rather than taking the time to do it myself? And what if his mother really had been trying with him, and my choice not to draw her attention just set her progress back?

Minutes later Eme was back to playing. She wouldn't get near the boy (good for her), and when he tried to come close to her (to do something else nefarious, I'm sure) she would edge behind my legs and hide from him (good for her again). She still played with the older brother, who kept trying to give her toys, and later played with a friend of hers who came to visit us, so that boy hasn't made her scared of all boys.

Those two little finger marks, though. I felt like they were staring at me all day. I told Andreas about it when he got home and he said he would have pushed the little boy away (rather than my slightly more gentle "pulling away of his hand and chastising" method). Would that really have helped matters?

My experience with Emelie is that she learns from everything we do. We model eating with a fork, she figures out how to eat with a fork. We model affection towards eachother -- lots of hugs and kisses in this house -- and Eme is affectionate towards us. Even if she doesn't know what the words mean, we have to model that it's not okay to hurt others.

What did Eme learn? Did my modeling of how to behave to a bully teach her the good manners that I'm trying to impart, or did the bully's behavior teach her that you have to pinch first or risk being pinched? What did the boy's mother's non-intervention teach him? That it's okay to just pinch whomever you want?

And if she had pinched him back, would I have stopped her?

Yes. No matter how satisfying it would have felt to let her make good on those two little red welts he gave her, I would have stopped her. I like to think I would have stopped my conversation and come over and told her that "we don't pinch." Granted, this is a fantasy -- I might not have even seen it happen and so wouldn't have known to do this -- but it's my fantasy and I choose that this is what I would have done.

I'm sorry, boy at the library, that your mommy, for whatever reason, wasn't able to do this for you. I'm sorry, mommy of the boy at the library, that you come out so badly in my story when you might not be bad at all. I'm sorry, Eme, that there are boys at the library who don't know manners, and that there will be lots of boys and girls, men and women, whom you will meet throughout life with the same problem.

I'll do my best to make sure you're not one of them. We can each only do our best.

...

Because of....

For anyone who is counting, today is Andreas' and my 6 year wedding anniversary. That makes it the 12 year anniversary of our first date. (Yes, we did that on purpose. Too cutesy?)

Back at the very beginning I created a phrase that described how I wanted to love and be loved, and Andreas and I have subscribed to this philosophy ever since. I said that I wanted someone who would love me "because of, not in spite of" the way that I am, and I'd do the same in return.

If I were to love everything about him except the one or two things, then I'd constantly be trying to "fix" him. If he were to love me "even though" I am one way or another, then he'd wonder when I was going to change. Instead, we try to accept each other exactly as we are, and love all of those things that are the hardest to love.

Andreas has loved me because of my big heart, my love of animals, my joy of life, but also because of my (occasional) sharp-tongued jabs at his expense, and the way I smell (stinky) after two days of not showering because being a mommy sometimes means I forget to be a (clean) wife.

In return, I have loved him for the way he sees humor in everything, his ability to keep me calm and sane, and the way he can make friends with anyone, but also the (sometimes maddening) way that he volunteers out his time to anyone who needs help even if I need him at home, and how he (usually, but not always, correctly) thinks he knows the best way to accomplish any task.

Now we have Eme (whose 14 month "birthday" was yesterday) in our lives. There are days (though they are very few) when we might wish that she would be different than the way she is (please, please, PLEASE sleep through the night). But we love her. Just as she is.

We love Emelie because...

she is very good at making us laugh.
she is amazingly smart.
she almost never lets us take naps.
she learns new things every day.
she gets excited by anything that moves by itself (trucks, cats, leaves, whatever).
she says "mama" and "dada" and means us.
she loves us.
she sometimes stinks.
she knows how to spit her food out (see Cuffs and Peaches).
she enjoys singing and dancing.
she enjoys spinning around in circles until she falls down.
she enjoys doing very unladylike things even when we're in public (see The F Bomb).
she's usually sweet and gentle.
she's sometimes not sweet and gentle.
she's awesome.

For all of these reasons and more, we love our beautiful, stinky angel.

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