2 am calls are never something you want

I usually stick to posting about Eme on this blog, but something funny happened to me over the weekend and I really wanted to share...

I got drunk-dialed.
And texted.
Multiple times.
By someone I've never met.

Allow me to re-create the timeline for you here (texts are verbatim):

Saturday to Sunday:

10:49 pm -- missed call from a number I didn't recognize, no message

11 pm -- text from same number: "Where you at"

12:13 am -- text from same number: "WherE you at" (yes, capitalized just like this)

12:41 am -- missed call from same number, no message

1:48 am -- missed call from same number, no message

1:53 am -- missed call from same number, no message (someone clearly wants to get a hold of someone, but probably not me)

1:57 am -- I have been wrenched from sleep and I'm wondering if someone does indeed want to get a hold of me, but when I see the texts I realize I'm probably being drunk dialed/texted. I call back and leave a message saying "I'm not sure who you are, I think you have the wrong number, please stop calling." I then text (to cover all bases) "I'm sorry, but I think you must be calling the wrong number."

1:58 am -- He's clearly too drunk to get the hint b/c he texts back with "It's Emmerr."

2:34 am -- Further drunk and still un-hint-able, he now texts "fuckkk" then "Wu" in quick succession. No idea what he might have been trying to send.

In the morning, I figure he'll probably wake up, listen to his voicemail, look at the text with a clear head, and realize the problem, and I'll probably never hear from him again.

Wrong.

Tuesday to Wednesday:

12:11 am -- Text from same number "twenty minutes my ass" (whomever his friend is, he should stop waiting for this person; he keeps getting disappointed)

7:48 am -- I receive the text upon waking up, and decide to attempt to clear things up with a text of my own: "Dude, you've still got the wrong number. I have no idea what you're taking about, nor who you are. Please check with whomever's number you think this is and get the right one from him."

11:14 am -- Return text from the drunk dialer: "Ha fine my bad man. I thought you were my friend but you were just fucking with me on saturday"

11:56 am -- Thinking I'll acknowledge the joke by laughing along, I decide to text back (which turns out to be a mistake): "Nope. I really don't know who you are."

11:57 am -- He clearly misinterprets my tone via text message and sends back "Ok buddy calm down"

I realize that there is really no reason for me to text back. There's every reason for me to be cranky given that he called repeatedly at early hours and could have woken my toddler, but he didn't, and I'm not. Frankly, I think the whole thing is pretty hilarious.

I have been reminded of two important lessons:

1) don't expect people (particularly if they're drunk-dialing you) to recognize subtlety or tone via text message, so spell out exactly what you mean

2) everything has a funny side :)

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Wonder Baby Wednesday #32

Wonder Baby Powers, activate! Form of...the happiest girl in the world.

We got to meet princesses when we visited Disney World last week. She was a little shell shocked at first, but here you can see she had a great time chatting with Belle.

I may not always love Disney, but I love that I could bring my daughter to see something that made her so happy. :)

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Things you do for your angel

My child is challenging me in ways I never imagined (yes, mom, I know that you told me this would happen, but it's different to hear about it than to experience it).

Today we took her paper dolls of Cinderella, Belle, and Ariel and dressed then undressed then re-dressed them in all "boo-fullll" dresses. Again and again.

And I enjoyed it.

Not because I love playing dress up (though I think there may have been a time when I was a lot younger and I did like dressing my dolls). Because SHE loves playing dress up. It's amazing to feel her excitement transferring to me -- she gets so excited about which dress each of them will wear that I find myself saying "Ariel, what dress would YOU like?"

As anyone who knows me can vouch, and something that has been a theme in many other of my posts, Disney princesses are not my thing. This morning, though, they were. Just for a little while.

I imagine that if she wants to play again tomorrow, they'll be my thing tomorrow, too.

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Parenting "Thought of the Day" #6

Anyone who has shown up at my house and found a half-naked toddler running around knows that we've been subscribing to the no-pants-at-home method of potty training. Things have been going well.

Is it strange that I'm really excited that we decided to try out big girl underpants for the first time today?

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Redefined

[Wouldn't it be cool if, just once in a while, I actually posted something other than a picture? Well, here you go. I've been meaning to post on this topic for a while, so it's both of our lucky day; I get to post it, you get to read it. :)]

It's amazing how I've learned to redefine things now that my life has changed so much. A few examples:

A good day:

• Used to mean I got out of work early, or got to spend a whole day doing fun stuff that couples do with Andreas, or got a bunch of tasks done that I'd been meaning to do.
• Now it means that Eme took her nap (so that I got to do some work, or could spend time with Andreas, or get a few tasks done that I meant to do).

A clean house:

• Used to mean that I'd cleaned top to bottom, vacuuming every room and swiffering the linoleum, got the laundry and dishes done, counters cleaned, paraphernalia put away.
• Now it means there aren't toys EVERYWHERE, and the counter is relatively clean-ish.

Sleeping in:

• Used to mean cuddling in bed with Andreas until 9 or 10 in the morning on Saturday, usually followed by a leisurely breakfast.
• Now it means Eme doesn't wake me until 7:30, instead of at 7.

Watching a movie:

• Used to mean Andreas and I would sit down for the full length of a film we, as adults, wanted to see.
• Now it means watching any of a number of Disney films that I've now seen multiple times each (skipping over any "scary" parts as defined by Eme), or watching part of a movie with Andreas after we put Eme to bed (only part because we're often too tired to finish in one sitting)

The list could go on, but the important thing is this: it is our capacity to redefine ourselves that allows us to grow and change, and it is through change that we experience more of the world than we ever knew existed. It is through change that we remain alive, and avoid becoming stagnant.

Therefore, while all of these redefinitions may sound like complaints, the truth is that they're my life and I love my life. With that in mind, I offer one final redefinition:

Love:

• Used to mean the way I feel about my family, and the special bond I share with Andreas.
• Now it means all of those things, plus the way my heart fills when I see/think about/teach something new to/learn something new from Eme.

Thank goodness for the change that brought me, along with everything else that I've redefined, this amazing connection, which I wouldn't trade for anything.

Not even for Saturday mornings.

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Parenting "Thought of the Day" #4

Training potties are fantastic for many reasons (because they're the right size for small bottoms and short legs, because they come with princesses on them, etc.) but I never thought I'd have to carry around so much pee.

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Parenting "Thought of the Day" #3

I know, you thought you were going to get a WBW today, but there's been a lot of excitement at the house that is not of the kind you photograph. Therefore, to commemorate a very special occasion, I have a Parenting Thought of the Day:

Who knew how exciting it could be to see someone else do a poo in their own potty?

Good job, Eme!


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Parenting "Thought of the Day" #2

Things (I didn't realize until now) that I have to ask my mom:

1) When we finished a coloring book, did you throw it out? Did we ever miss it?

2) How many of our toys (or scraps of paper we were attached to) did you accidentally vacuum up? How long did it take for us to get over it?

These are just a few more things you don't need to think about until you do.

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Things you never thought you'd say

Have you ever heard something come out of your mouth and realized you were turning into your mother or father? Yes, this happens to all of us at some point, and not surprisingly seems to happen even more often once we have children of our own.

That's one group of things I told myself I'd never say. There's another group, though, of things that are totally ridiculous. Things that you know as you say them are going to be ridiculous, but need to be said anyway.

Time for Part 2 in the series of "Things I Never Thought I'd..."

This time, it's a list of things I didn't know I'd say once I became a mommy:

• Anything that sounds like something my parents said to us (e.g. "we're not paying to heat the outside," and "if you're not in the room, you should turn out the lights." Both of those were to Andreas; imagine what I'll find myself saying once Eme is old enough to understand?)
• One that I've been using a lot recently: "Books are for reading, not for eating." (I actually have to tell Eme that lots of things aren't for eating -- shoes, toys, cell phones, pets -- but I say the books one often because it rhymes, so I, being especially nerdy, especially like that phrase.)
• Anything that I say that is grammatically incorrect (see my post on The Most Beautifulest, Stink-pantsiest Sleepsing Bee Ever for more on the topic of Mommy grammar); for an example that's not in my grammar post, I've recently been saying "make" sometimes in place of "take" (as in "let's make a little nap"). I hear it come out of my mouth and I think "wow...what am I saying?"
  
• As if I don't already know the answer, I often find myself asking to the room at large (which usually means just me, Eme, sometimes Grandpa Guy, and the cats) "who filled their diaper?" (The answer is always Eme, in case you were wondering.)
• I make more animal sounds than one would think would be necessary in any household that's not literally a zoo. I can do a pretty good cat and dog, but I'm also branching out into horse, goat, sheep, pig, lion, duck, goose, frog, bee, rooster, chick, and any other animal that comes up in any of her books. I'm getting really good at monkey (see my post on things you never thought you'd do for more on monkey/chimp sounds....).
• I sometimes call myself "mommy" even in my head. That is, when I can't possibly be talking to anyone else but myself, I still sometimes refer to me as "mommy."
• I often narrate things that are happening as they happen in order that Eme can learn what is going on. Sometimes I even sing (often to the Winnie the Pooh tune) things that are happening. It's funny when Eme is in the room, generally embarrassing when she's not.
  

I'm sure I will think of more. How about you? What is something you have found yourself saying that you thought "man, I sound like my parents!" or "I can't believe I just said that..."?

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Things you never thought you'd do

I find myself talking more about bodily functions now that I have a baby than I ever did before.

No surprise, given that whether, when, and what quality of evacuations my baby makes are the best indicator of her health. So from birth on, all doctors, nurses, and grandmothers who talk to you about how your baby is doing are interested in her diapers.

The other day some friends (who do not have a baby themselves) were over. I saw Eme make the face (you know, the red, teeth-clenched, "I just made a surprise for you" face). Without considering my audience, I lifted her so that her bottom was at my nose height and had a good sniff.

To the credit of my friends (they could have gasped in horror), their response was, "you know you're a parent when you don't think twice about smelling your baby to see if there's something in her diaper."

That is merely the first in a long line of things I never pictured myself doing. (I have another whole blog post planned on things I never thought I'd say.) Here are a few more -- many of you will have seen me do these things, but I hope the list will entertain you anyway.

Things I didn't know I'd start to do once I became a mommy:

• Smell my baby's bottom, even in public, and enjoy it (not the stinkiness so much as the smell of a baby)
• Run to the window at the sound of a truck or bus (holding Eme, of course; I wouldn't want her to miss seeing a good truck)
• Put food in my mouth before putting it in my baby's (to bite it in half, suck off too much sauce, or just make sure it's not too hot for her tongue)
• Eat leftover food that she has mashed and mangled because I feel bad wasting food (my guilty secret is that sometimes I throw it away anyway when she's really squished everything together and I just can't imagine putting it in my mouth)
• Clean off my baby's hands by sucking on them (that scene in Baby Mama where Maura Tierney's character asks her son whether the brown spot on his arm is poop or chocolate, and then licks it off of his arm and says "it's chocolate" -- that's what I mean. Tina Fey responds with "What if it had been poop?!" -- so true, but the point was that it doesn't matter, as a mommy I'd probably check anyway.)
• Dance around my living room with abandon every morning (Eme does it, and her enthusiasm is contagious)
• Spend hours thinking about the perfect outfit....for Eme. Even though she's too young to remember what she wore for her first dinner with her friend, who is also too young to pay attention to what she's wearing.
• Go out of my house with a tiny handprint made from blueberry yogurt on my shirt and cottage cheese in my hair.
• Run up and down the street to make Eme laugh (she thinks running is funny)
• Pretend to sneeze 10 times in a row to make Eme laugh (sneezes are also funny to her)
• Jump around and make chimp noises to make Eme laugh (thanks, Dr. Hamrick!)
  
• This last one is something I saw Andreas do (Happy Birthday, Andreas) that I can't imagine he ever thought of doing: trying to get her to lay still for a diaper change, he took her clean diaper and put it on his head to get her to laugh. (She laughs at the craziest stuff....)

When I find myself doing these things, I think that being a parent is part surreal, part too real, part frustrating, and part fantastic.

What have you done that you never thought you'd do as a parent? Or what can you remember your parents doing? Please share...

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