The "F" Bomb

I wasn't sure if this was a topic that I should really discuss here. In fact, I hope it doesn't cause anyone to become uncomfortable.

I feel like it's a topic that all mommies have to address sooner or later, though, so here goes...

The F Bomb.

I don't mean the one you may have thought of right away, but I am talking about one of my least favorite four-letter words: Fart.

It just sounds gross. And in general terms, it is gross. Yes, a necessary bodily function. But when adults who should be able to control themselves let loose out in public (like your dad or grandpa) it's a little bit embarrassing.

I agree that it's natural. And that everyone has to do it sometimes. Don't get me wrong -- my husband knows that I have some pretty stinky moments myself and he loves me anyway. Everyone knows that it's better to overlook someone's stinkyness for the good of humankind, even if they do it in public.

In fact, when we got "crop dusted" (a walk-by farting) at Home Depot the other day, we did not follow them into the next aisle to get a closer look at the people who would do that when they obviously saw us there. We rather let the matter drop. Like adults.

Now to the mommy side of things: when my baby farts, it is one of the cutest things I've ever heard. Not so great on the smell side, but she's a tiny, cute baby so it doesn't really matter. I've begun calling them Angel Farts because I think that if angels do fart, that is what it would be like.

In fact, Eme has been one of the fartiest babies from the day she was born. (Our friend Joe used to call her "windy.") I've never been afraid to eat anything I wanted while pregnant or nursing (broccoli, a good burrito, you name it) and the first solid food Eme was willing to eat was broccoli, so I don't think it has hurt her any. We've never had problems with her crying because of gas, she just lets loose. And she doesn't worry about whether she's in public.

When she is sitting in her high chair at dinner and the characteristic grin appears to let me know she's about to break wind, I'm not grossed out at all. In fact, it makes me smile. I even say things like "are you farting your pants?" (not "farting in your pants" -- my grammar has gone out the window since I've become a mommy.)

I've started occasionally using words, both in conversation with other adults and with Eme, that I would have avoided before. Fart, for one. Toot. Stinky. (As in "making a stinky, are we?") Stinkypants. (As a single word.) Stink bee. (I mean, really? "Stink bee?" Since when can bees be stinky?) The list goes on and on.

Even this thing that grosses me out -- by deed and by name -- is made cute when Eme does it. How does it happen? What is the magic that makes anything a baby does 9 million times cuter than it would be if an adult did it?

If I could bottle it.... I'd have an angel fart in a bottle.

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