My daughter, Miss Pronunciation

Eme has begun pronouncing things much more carefully, which has actually created some hilarious instances of me asking her to repeat herself three or four times in order to figure out what she means. Examples:

Involving double r sounds:
Cherry -- was "chaaaaaa," now comes out "che-yay"
Sorry -- was "sah-ee," now "saw-yeee"

Involving double l sounds:
Pillow -- don't know whether I ever heard her say the word before, but now say "pi-r-yo"
Cinderella -- was "Ci-beh," now "Ci-we-lllllll-ya"

Words that have actually become easier to understand:
Banana -- was "bi-ya," now "banna"
Grandma -- was "wa," now "wa-ma"

These are just a few examples. I am amazed at how quickly her facility for language is growing, and her pronunciation and grammar are changing.

Can I just say it again? My angel is awesome, and I'm privileged to watch her grow.

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Things you never thought you'd say

Have you ever heard something come out of your mouth and realized you were turning into your mother or father? Yes, this happens to all of us at some point, and not surprisingly seems to happen even more often once we have children of our own.

That's one group of things I told myself I'd never say. There's another group, though, of things that are totally ridiculous. Things that you know as you say them are going to be ridiculous, but need to be said anyway.

Time for Part 2 in the series of "Things I Never Thought I'd..."

This time, it's a list of things I didn't know I'd say once I became a mommy:

• Anything that sounds like something my parents said to us (e.g. "we're not paying to heat the outside," and "if you're not in the room, you should turn out the lights." Both of those were to Andreas; imagine what I'll find myself saying once Eme is old enough to understand?)
• One that I've been using a lot recently: "Books are for reading, not for eating." (I actually have to tell Eme that lots of things aren't for eating -- shoes, toys, cell phones, pets -- but I say the books one often because it rhymes, so I, being especially nerdy, especially like that phrase.)
• Anything that I say that is grammatically incorrect (see my post on The Most Beautifulest, Stink-pantsiest Sleepsing Bee Ever for more on the topic of Mommy grammar); for an example that's not in my grammar post, I've recently been saying "make" sometimes in place of "take" (as in "let's make a little nap"). I hear it come out of my mouth and I think "wow...what am I saying?"
  
• As if I don't already know the answer, I often find myself asking to the room at large (which usually means just me, Eme, sometimes Grandpa Guy, and the cats) "who filled their diaper?" (The answer is always Eme, in case you were wondering.)
• I make more animal sounds than one would think would be necessary in any household that's not literally a zoo. I can do a pretty good cat and dog, but I'm also branching out into horse, goat, sheep, pig, lion, duck, goose, frog, bee, rooster, chick, and any other animal that comes up in any of her books. I'm getting really good at monkey (see my post on things you never thought you'd do for more on monkey/chimp sounds....).
• I sometimes call myself "mommy" even in my head. That is, when I can't possibly be talking to anyone else but myself, I still sometimes refer to me as "mommy."
• I often narrate things that are happening as they happen in order that Eme can learn what is going on. Sometimes I even sing (often to the Winnie the Pooh tune) things that are happening. It's funny when Eme is in the room, generally embarrassing when she's not.
  

I'm sure I will think of more. How about you? What is something you have found yourself saying that you thought "man, I sound like my parents!" or "I can't believe I just said that..."?

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The most Beautifulest, Stink-pantsiest, Sleepsing Bee Ever

Anyone whose grammar I've ever corrected, please stand up. (Yes, you too my third grade teacher. And probably my second grade one as well.)

Now that you're all standing, you are welcome to laugh at me for the title of this post.

I have always been a curve-wrecker, and a grammar (and spelling) corrector, and I have a little bit of a nerd-crush on Grammar Girl for her ability to solve those few tricky grammar issues of which I'm unsure (em dash vs en dash, anyone?). Since becoming a mommy, my grammar has seriously gone downhill. And my spelling. (And doing part-time copywriting doesn't help -- ads are generally riddled with grammar issues! For example, starting sentences with "and.")

After mentioning mommy grammar in my post on The F Bomb, I have been thinking about doing a whole post on the topic. Today I placed Eme in her stroller so I could take her on a walk to get her to go down for her nap, then proceeded to say "it's sleepsing time!" This made me realize that today is a mommy grammar kind of day.

A few "rules" for mommy grammar:
1. It's okay to make anything plural. In fact, pluralizing things just makes them cuter. Examples include milks ("Who wants some milks?"), sleeps ("Are you ready to go to sleeps?"), poops ("Did you make a poops in your pantses?"), etc.
2. If something is already plural, stick some extra letters at the end, but only if it makes the word cuter rather than more awkward. (see above: pantses; also, feeties, handsies, toesies, etc., but NOT fingerses -- that's just hard to say)
3. Remove any prepositions, or any parts that would normally be a necessary part of a sentence, that make the sentences cuter if you take them out. (Example from The F Bomb post: "Did you fart your pants" where the normally necessary preposition "in" has been removed. Also, "Eme want to go store?", etc.)
4. Add extra words, or rearrange the normal order of the sentence, if that makes it sound funnier. For example: "Who does goes to the outside?", "Eme is the most stinksiest baby!", etc.
5. Have fun! I had often been annoyed by hearing other mothers butcher the English language to their babies. Turns out it's much cuter and funnier to use incorrect grammar when it's your own baby.

Yes, eventually I'll need to make sure that Eme understands the appropriate grammar (though I'm pretty sure she has The Nerd Handbook 2.0 -- in fact, I think she was revising my original version while still in the womb), but for now I'm not going to worry. We'll get there.


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The "F" Bomb

I wasn't sure if this was a topic that I should really discuss here. In fact, I hope it doesn't cause anyone to become uncomfortable.

I feel like it's a topic that all mommies have to address sooner or later, though, so here goes...

The F Bomb.

I don't mean the one you may have thought of right away, but I am talking about one of my least favorite four-letter words: Fart.

It just sounds gross. And in general terms, it is gross. Yes, a necessary bodily function. But when adults who should be able to control themselves let loose out in public (like your dad or grandpa) it's a little bit embarrassing.

I agree that it's natural. And that everyone has to do it sometimes. Don't get me wrong -- my husband knows that I have some pretty stinky moments myself and he loves me anyway. Everyone knows that it's better to overlook someone's stinkyness for the good of humankind, even if they do it in public.

In fact, when we got "crop dusted" (a walk-by farting) at Home Depot the other day, we did not follow them into the next aisle to get a closer look at the people who would do that when they obviously saw us there. We rather let the matter drop. Like adults.

Now to the mommy side of things: when my baby farts, it is one of the cutest things I've ever heard. Not so great on the smell side, but she's a tiny, cute baby so it doesn't really matter. I've begun calling them Angel Farts because I think that if angels do fart, that is what it would be like.

In fact, Eme has been one of the fartiest babies from the day she was born. (Our friend Joe used to call her "windy.") I've never been afraid to eat anything I wanted while pregnant or nursing (broccoli, a good burrito, you name it) and the first solid food Eme was willing to eat was broccoli, so I don't think it has hurt her any. We've never had problems with her crying because of gas, she just lets loose. And she doesn't worry about whether she's in public.

When she is sitting in her high chair at dinner and the characteristic grin appears to let me know she's about to break wind, I'm not grossed out at all. In fact, it makes me smile. I even say things like "are you farting your pants?" (not "farting in your pants" -- my grammar has gone out the window since I've become a mommy.)

I've started occasionally using words, both in conversation with other adults and with Eme, that I would have avoided before. Fart, for one. Toot. Stinky. (As in "making a stinky, are we?") Stinkypants. (As a single word.) Stink bee. (I mean, really? "Stink bee?" Since when can bees be stinky?) The list goes on and on.

Even this thing that grosses me out -- by deed and by name -- is made cute when Eme does it. How does it happen? What is the magic that makes anything a baby does 9 million times cuter than it would be if an adult did it?

If I could bottle it.... I'd have an angel fart in a bottle.

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